This is Finland. Mostly an eerie northern place where winter chills, sauna heat and ringtones form a cocktail that touch the life of a man (and a woman) in the most profound way. And oh boy, Markku, a young chemistry student from Finland surely has had his share of this cocktail. I'm in his apartment now. He starts to speak.
Imagine, it's like having a really annoying ringtone stuck in your head. Except that this time the sound comes from your pet paraquet's beak. And it comes again. And again. And it just won't stop coming.
I glance at the bird sceptically. It seems like a parrot of some sort. It strikes to me as a completely ordinary house pet that at the best can be expected to say "hello sailor" or "give me some grub". Maybe this guy just wants to have his 15 minutes of fame. Who knows. But I'm an open minded person. I'm ready to give a chance to everyone. So, now I'm giving a chance to the bird. I look the bird deep into its eyes, like saying, come on, show me what you got.
First, nothing happens. Then the bird tilts its head, shakes of a few feathers and gracefully opens its beak. And then, in a most beautiful kind of way, a majestic, wonderful piece of music, like an expression of pure joy fills the room. I immediately recognize the tune as Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield. The tune is encaptivating. The moment is magical. I feel that in this humble room, in a ragged suburb of a Finnish middle sized town, the nature and music are combining in perfect harmony. I soon find myself humming the tune with the bird.
Markku startles. I get a grip on myself and tell Markku how devastating it must be to witness a bird and a life long companion finally flip out that way. Then I ask how the behaviour began. I wonder if the bird has earlier exhibited any symptoms of such profound musicality?
Markku begins by telling that they have faced many challenges together even before this. In my mind I imagine how they even pushed through the economic depression side by side, the bird sitting on his pole and Markku sitting on his couch. I managed through the hard years of economic depression partly because of this serene feathery friend of mine, Markku confirms.
Markku tells how he once tried to teach the bird to say "Hello" and "Good bye" but without results. The bird's musical talents were clearly not manifested at the early days. The bird communicated mainly with normal bird calls that Markku calls beeps and bleeps. Uttering words maybe just isn't the birds thing, Markku concludes.
But then the ringtones came along, I say.
Yes, Markku answers and continues. I got interested in buying realtones from such web sites as Jippii, Hihii, Hoplaa and Jamba. I had a period of Shake That by Eminem and a period of Paranoid by Black Sabbath in my mobile phone but that didn't have any effect on the bird. But then I found a killer realtone. It was this notorious peace by Mike Oldfield that together with one fatal accident hit the bird hard.
It begun as a quite ordinary weekend, Markku explains. I decided to go out with my friends to have a beer or two and later on to attend the night folk dancing event with the amateur folk dancing group I'm a member of. In the heat of the departure I forgot my cell phone at home. Well, the night was a blast but I never attended the night folk dance event.
My friends at the folk dance group, however, were worried about where I was and they tried to reach me by calling me on my cell phone on several occasions. After some heavy arm-twisting they confessed that they had actually called my mobile phone over 50 times during the night. They really missed me.
So, the bird was excessively and repeatedly exposed to the Tubular Bells ringtone during that night. With known devastating consequences, I say. Have you tried to cure the bird, I ask Markku.
Yes, Markku replies. I've applied classic and operant conditioning techniques both on the bird and on myself with promising results. I've tried to reinforce the bird's natural bird calls by giving him a food pellet on every occasion when he returns to his old, natural bird calls. On the other hand I've tried to extinct my own adverse anxiety reaction to this particular ring tone by deeply relaxing myself while listening to it. The bird isn't cured yet but we're going in the right direction, says Markku with a hint of smile on his face.
So, things seem good for Markku and his pet bird. Progress is probably happening as you read this. We at the Finnish Ringtone Addicts (FINRADD) would, however, still like to help Markku. If you posses a personal experience on curing a bird that suffered from the consequences of excessive ringtone exposure, send in your story. We have opened a special temporary email address (WCYMTQLKNAFF@spammotel.com) to where you can send email. We'll keep you posted on how the situation with Markku and his bird progresses.
About Author :
This field report was brought to you by Finnish Ringtone Addicts (FINRADD). Their other less known efforts are for example a Finnish report labeled soittoäänet which deals about Finnish ringtone market. It covers topics such as ringtone prices, ringtone ecommerce usability, consumer safety and ringtone preferences of men and women.
