I'm back at my restaurant enjoying a nearly cold cup of coffee
(without the whitener) as I began to read one of the back pages
of my newspaper.
The top article had a title like Pentagon Spending Under Review.
The story had something to do with hammers, toilet seats and
coffee makers, or something like that.
Further down on the page, a headline caught my attention. I
think it read Homeless Population Rises. What followed was
frightening.
At the very bottom of the page was this tiny little
advertisement for Tool Liquidators, Home of the Ninety-nine Cent
Hammer!. Well, it all fell into place after that. I paged the
waitress for some more coffee and figured this out.
Tomorrow, the government sends agents of the FDIC, FEMA, NRA,
and even all the local dog catchers to every homeless shelter
and to every welfare office across the country. Their job is to
deliver to every adult in the country at or below the poverty
line a booklet of vouchers.
These vouchers are redeemable only at their local Tool
Liquidators outlet. And what they buy with their vouchers can
only be sold to the Pentagon.
The Pentagon is already accustomed to paying $600 for hammers.
And according to this article I read, they even pay upwards of a
couple of thousand dollars for Mr. Coffee coffee makers.
You don't even want to know what they pay for screwdrivers!
So, I figure, those folks with vouchers shop at Tool
Liquidators, pay ninety-nine cents for a hammer, and sell it to
the Pentagon for $600. That's a profit of $599.01 per hammer!
Why, it'll take just one trip to the tool store and they're
quite well off. Poverty's gone.
The beauty of this plan is that it won't cost us taxpayers a
penny more to lift everyone out of poverty. We're already
footing the bill for the $600 hammers and who knows what for
light bulbs.
(c)2002 by Mark Brennaman. All Rights Reserved.
About Author :
Mark is a freelance writer and marketing consultant.
